I came home all the way smiling and listening to the latest songs on my ipod chewing a bubble gum. It was an amazing feeling inside me, i totally lost it when i am happy, i giggled at myself. I came towards the entrance of my house and suddenly to my surprise the door got open, i saw my mumma leaving with my cousin sis for shopping, I asked them to stay for a while as i need to tell them something really important. They came inside but wanting me to leave their hand when i was holding really tight.
We came inside, and i shouted out loud ''TODAY I SAW BYPASS SURGERY AND I TOUCHED A MAN'S BEATING HEART'' :D ''and his daughter is not my little sister in the college and she gifted me a pearl set.'' I almost screamed it. My cousin got irritated and laughed and said, ''you're becoming doctor you have to see these things everyday now stop wasting out time and let us go, we have already wasted alot. I turned to my mumma who was smiling and said, ''Are you hungry for gifts? didn't we give yo enough and you already have pearls actually you have n number of pearls sets in your cupboard, but you never bother to get your butts move towards it for cleaning, you and your life (which includes your room) is a total mess.'' Ok, now i was..shocked? no, i was scared? wait, disappointment running all over my face. Yes Disappointment was the right word. I closed my eyes, without speaking anything i thought to move towards my room but before that they already left. I came into my room and closed my door and sat on the floor. It was me who was happy, just few hours back and suddenly what has happened? Why me? What did i do wrong? I got up, changed my clothes, went to the dinning table, ate my lunch, came back to my room and tried sleeping. Sleep was far away from me and now my eyes were too dry to shed any tears. like one's eyes desensitize. This pain wont seems to heal i thought and closed my eyes, the flash back started...
*Hellloooooo maaaaaa i won the debate, now i am going to a near by restaurant with my frieds for having ice cream i screamed on my phone. ''Which debate, ok that's good but no, you need to come home first and make your plan some other time.'' she replied and hung up. ''Sorry guys, mum's rules? can't go, but sure some other time.'' I saw them murmuring something about me, but i didn't care. not as much i cared my maah! I came back home, gave her the prize money she took it and gave it to cousin brother to save it in the back. I was shocked and cried and tried to tell her i want to go and have fun with my friends. She assured me to take me with her and rest of the family. That day never came, she was all busy these days and tired. She brought extra ordinary clothes for me and sandals that i loved but i still wanted to have fun with my friends. i was upset, she didn't bother cause i never showed her what i felt. She came to my room, ''Clean your room otherwise you will not get to wear any of these clothes. Go naked!'' I quickly cleaned my room as per her orders, i love her she knows that and i know she loves me too, i thought and smiled.*
Flashback ends.
That day and this day, i wanted to shout too, but for what reason? what will make me in front of her? see her daughter getting angry at her? for what reason? what if she feel as if i am not able to tolerate what is she trying to convince me to do? she wanted to make me well disciplined. She wanted to make me a good wife, dutiful daughter-in-law besides just making me a robot with skills to suture up bodies and getting awards and medals and prize money. Sometimes you have to understand from a parents point of view, sometimes you have to put yourself in their shoe. Sometimes, no not sometime but almost for all the time you need to keep quiet and just listen to them, their frustrations and nagging, cause they loved you when you did all that, for those endless nights you have given them when you were small, can't you just bare her anger? and his scolding? and we say we love our parents? Do we actually love them? or we just want/need them? to fulfill our demands, to fulfill the needs and make us look standardized? cause if they don't we hate them thinking that they can't even provide the basic necessity? The basics are still lacking among us, when we shout, when we answer back, when we lie to them. Still we need to learn the basics. Still I need to get the courage to disobey and lie to her, cause i know if i try to, i would never be able to sleep at night. and that should be the relation, of a daughter to her mother, a son to his father and hence forth this is a happy family.
I closed my eyes talking to myself and with me in my arms was my teddy. We were now ready for sleep...
Sunday, 18 November 2012
The Story: Chapter Three
I sighed, looked at the doctors who were now happy to see the recovery. They
sucked the extra blood in the cavity with suction and now it was time to close
and stitch up the patient. i was still looking at the patient's heart. 'I
asked, is my heart also like this?' One of the surgeon looked at me with
confused looks and said to his technical man to give me the surgeons sterile
gloves. I was surprised that why he want me to wear them. He turned towards me
and said, ''come and touch his heart and feel his heart beating.'' I
quickly did what he said, I touched his heart and it was...the epic feeling!
''Wow! it's beautiful.'' I then moved back and he let me stand next to me to
see how he was suturing up the patient.
Everything was done, i was now sitting in student's rest room for my turn to change. I went inside the small room and got freshen up. As soon as i came outside i saw the same doctor, i thought to go and thank him for that courtesy and concern. And for encouraging me. I went up to him and said, ''I am really thankful to you, Dr?... you let me touch that man's heart.'' He removed his mask and O.T cap and smiled. He was so cute, i thought. I too smiled. He turned his face towards me and said, ''Dr. Yasir! Surgical intern. well, I didn't do anything for you, you did it for yourself. because if you ever will strive for something and show passion about it, then only other person would feel what you need, will see your desire and might give you what you want. like i did. and i have been through your age i understand very well. i saw you admiring that heart as if your heart is no more in you.'' He laughed. ''Dr. Yasir, i do have my heart and that too in a perfect function. Tanks anyways.'' I replied in a very lively tone and made my way to the cafeteria. This Day was surely bright!
I was listening songs on my ipod, and it fell, luckily someone caught it and i looked at the person. A beautiful short haired girl in a high pony tail was standing in front of me. I asked, ''How may i help you?'' she said, ''You were there in my father's operation?'' I didn't reply, just looked at her seriously. ''I mean the bypass operation held 5 hrs before? actually i want to thank each and every doctor. Thank you so much, i can't tell you how happy i am. and i remember when you came out of the Operation Theater, you were the one who patted my shoulder and asked me to smile.. I am so very much thankful to you.'' She said all that i one go! Oh My God, this girl does have lungs or nor? I smiled at her and asked her to sit. ''Yes, i was there and yeah i'm the same doctor who came out and asked you to smile but see i am ethically a medical student so ... anyways how is your father doing?'' She replied spontaneously as she was expecting this question, ''Very well, and he sent this to you and it’s from my side as well. I raised my one eye brow.
I saw a small box i took it and opened it and saw a beautiful pair of ear rings and necklace of pearls. I was shocked and said, ''Sorry but see i can’t take this.'' she insisted me to take it, ''please, you are just like my sister, we lost her, she has a hole in her heart and she died after her operation, if you take this i would think i got my sister, btw my name is Aliya if you want to remember me.'' She was almost about to cry, I was so touched and got all emotional but i didn't cry, i had to be strong. ''Aliya, you are my sister now, and you know what i don't even have a real sister.. i smiled widely and hugged her.''We will be ssters from today, btw i just got admission here too, first year, so i hope you could bare me whenever this little sister of your's irritate you.'' I laughed and congratulated her. We talked for an hour and then i headed towards the college lawn. I was the time for the last lecture of this day and then i would run towards my home sweet home, i smiled and made plans in my mind how should i tell everything to my mom and everyone at home. This was indeed fascinating for me. I had seen First bypass surgery in my life, live and toughed his beating heart with my fingers. Omg i was still in a shock, pinch me somebody i thought.
Everything was done, i was now sitting in student's rest room for my turn to change. I went inside the small room and got freshen up. As soon as i came outside i saw the same doctor, i thought to go and thank him for that courtesy and concern. And for encouraging me. I went up to him and said, ''I am really thankful to you, Dr?... you let me touch that man's heart.'' He removed his mask and O.T cap and smiled. He was so cute, i thought. I too smiled. He turned his face towards me and said, ''Dr. Yasir! Surgical intern. well, I didn't do anything for you, you did it for yourself. because if you ever will strive for something and show passion about it, then only other person would feel what you need, will see your desire and might give you what you want. like i did. and i have been through your age i understand very well. i saw you admiring that heart as if your heart is no more in you.'' He laughed. ''Dr. Yasir, i do have my heart and that too in a perfect function. Tanks anyways.'' I replied in a very lively tone and made my way to the cafeteria. This Day was surely bright!
I was listening songs on my ipod, and it fell, luckily someone caught it and i looked at the person. A beautiful short haired girl in a high pony tail was standing in front of me. I asked, ''How may i help you?'' she said, ''You were there in my father's operation?'' I didn't reply, just looked at her seriously. ''I mean the bypass operation held 5 hrs before? actually i want to thank each and every doctor. Thank you so much, i can't tell you how happy i am. and i remember when you came out of the Operation Theater, you were the one who patted my shoulder and asked me to smile.. I am so very much thankful to you.'' She said all that i one go! Oh My God, this girl does have lungs or nor? I smiled at her and asked her to sit. ''Yes, i was there and yeah i'm the same doctor who came out and asked you to smile but see i am ethically a medical student so ... anyways how is your father doing?'' She replied spontaneously as she was expecting this question, ''Very well, and he sent this to you and it’s from my side as well. I raised my one eye brow.
I saw a small box i took it and opened it and saw a beautiful pair of ear rings and necklace of pearls. I was shocked and said, ''Sorry but see i can’t take this.'' she insisted me to take it, ''please, you are just like my sister, we lost her, she has a hole in her heart and she died after her operation, if you take this i would think i got my sister, btw my name is Aliya if you want to remember me.'' She was almost about to cry, I was so touched and got all emotional but i didn't cry, i had to be strong. ''Aliya, you are my sister now, and you know what i don't even have a real sister.. i smiled widely and hugged her.''We will be ssters from today, btw i just got admission here too, first year, so i hope you could bare me whenever this little sister of your's irritate you.'' I laughed and congratulated her. We talked for an hour and then i headed towards the college lawn. I was the time for the last lecture of this day and then i would run towards my home sweet home, i smiled and made plans in my mind how should i tell everything to my mom and everyone at home. This was indeed fascinating for me. I had seen First bypass surgery in my life, live and toughed his beating heart with my fingers. Omg i was still in a shock, pinch me somebody i thought.
The Story: Chapter Two
I was wondering what are we capable of, what are our strengths we should hold on and what are our weaknesses we should hide? i got my answers, the only reason in life is to 'feel free from fears!' these 4 Fs. and your life will be less complicated.
Today was my first day of operation theater. Wondering how these look, are they similar like we saw on fictious seasons and mysterious movies that people dying and a superhero trying to come, without any fear saving their lives? was it really mean to happen here? i was full of questions. The need for love i was craving for was disappearing from my mind. what i need to do is to again FOCUS! i breathed in and out and went to scrub in. I was wearing the scrubs, that O.T dress, i was feeling proud. I was not performing any surgery but i was there. I got heavenly feeling, butterflies in my stomach and a big smile that could kill any fear daring to come across my high ambitious motives to do something good, for humanity, for love, for myself and for my loved ones to feel proud on me.
Assisting in surgery is hectic and watching the surgery is tiring. Soon surgery started and anesthesia was given. Heart was stopped because of providing low temperature, and body was supported by a mechanical system supporting the body's circulation. It was mesmerizing to see how human mind made such machines, today i learned the worth of engineers. those brilliant minds who contributed a great hand in doctor's successful life. The incisions were done already on the chest and sternal bone, and that beautiful muscular organ 'The Heart' was exposed. I was wondering how does it really looked, seemed like i was watching some medical atlas, exact fat covering the heart, and area that wasn't covered I saw small arteries and veins. The bypass surgery was done, and doctors were waiting for heart to catch up it's beat. They wait patiently as patience is the first step to reduce stress and hope always for the better. They were discussing matters to ease themselves, suddenly he started singing a song.. ''Dhak Dhak dharkaay mera dil...'' everyone started laughing, someone asked him, was that a song from any movie or is he making up his own songs, to that he just winked. I said, ''How about Dhak Dhak karny laga..? Oh mm i am sorry i thought...'' They all turned and gazed me. I was enjoying the conversation until i became the center of their attraction. I was shy, thinking how silly that was to sing but yet with in a second he asked, ''Dhak Dhak in medical terms?'' I gulped, rolled my eyes, took a deep breath and reply ''Lub Dub?'' He nodded his head and turned towards his fellow surgeon. I became confident. He again turned and asked all the students few more questions, i was ready to raise my hand and give answers in as logical way as they asked. My life was completely heaven inside this room. I was ecstatic. I got the love i was finding. It was passionate! intense! and hardcore! yes!! hardcore!!!
Soon after 10 min the ECG started recording, i was standing at the head end of patient, while watching the mesmerizing view when heart caught it's new beats it was pleasure to see. wondering how fast does my heart beat? does it beat like this? or a little bit fast? of course fast and a bit smaller in size too, cause patient ws 40 years and i just turned 21st this august. I smiled and flatter my lashes and look deep on that beautiful muscular organ. I was smiling, for after all i have this heart and it too beats for some good cause, so here i am to FOCUS and make my life worth living, for me. I sighed.
Today was my first day of operation theater. Wondering how these look, are they similar like we saw on fictious seasons and mysterious movies that people dying and a superhero trying to come, without any fear saving their lives? was it really mean to happen here? i was full of questions. The need for love i was craving for was disappearing from my mind. what i need to do is to again FOCUS! i breathed in and out and went to scrub in. I was wearing the scrubs, that O.T dress, i was feeling proud. I was not performing any surgery but i was there. I got heavenly feeling, butterflies in my stomach and a big smile that could kill any fear daring to come across my high ambitious motives to do something good, for humanity, for love, for myself and for my loved ones to feel proud on me.
Assisting in surgery is hectic and watching the surgery is tiring. Soon surgery started and anesthesia was given. Heart was stopped because of providing low temperature, and body was supported by a mechanical system supporting the body's circulation. It was mesmerizing to see how human mind made such machines, today i learned the worth of engineers. those brilliant minds who contributed a great hand in doctor's successful life. The incisions were done already on the chest and sternal bone, and that beautiful muscular organ 'The Heart' was exposed. I was wondering how does it really looked, seemed like i was watching some medical atlas, exact fat covering the heart, and area that wasn't covered I saw small arteries and veins. The bypass surgery was done, and doctors were waiting for heart to catch up it's beat. They wait patiently as patience is the first step to reduce stress and hope always for the better. They were discussing matters to ease themselves, suddenly he started singing a song.. ''Dhak Dhak dharkaay mera dil...'' everyone started laughing, someone asked him, was that a song from any movie or is he making up his own songs, to that he just winked. I said, ''How about Dhak Dhak karny laga..? Oh mm i am sorry i thought...'' They all turned and gazed me. I was enjoying the conversation until i became the center of their attraction. I was shy, thinking how silly that was to sing but yet with in a second he asked, ''Dhak Dhak in medical terms?'' I gulped, rolled my eyes, took a deep breath and reply ''Lub Dub?'' He nodded his head and turned towards his fellow surgeon. I became confident. He again turned and asked all the students few more questions, i was ready to raise my hand and give answers in as logical way as they asked. My life was completely heaven inside this room. I was ecstatic. I got the love i was finding. It was passionate! intense! and hardcore! yes!! hardcore!!!
Soon after 10 min the ECG started recording, i was standing at the head end of patient, while watching the mesmerizing view when heart caught it's new beats it was pleasure to see. wondering how fast does my heart beat? does it beat like this? or a little bit fast? of course fast and a bit smaller in size too, cause patient ws 40 years and i just turned 21st this august. I smiled and flatter my lashes and look deep on that beautiful muscular organ. I was smiling, for after all i have this heart and it too beats for some good cause, so here i am to FOCUS and make my life worth living, for me. I sighed.
Thursday, 15 November 2012
The Story: Chapter One
This life is too short for love, passion, enmity, so what you have to do is to fight for yourself. learn to concentrate what you want, FOCUS and you will get what you always wanted to have. I am a simple medical student who tends to sort out what i believe. i have been through hardships, have been torn and shattered but i feel happy and contended now, because that is what made me strong! a strong girl, a visionary woman, and a determined and focused young lady who strives to work for her benefits. People migh call me selfish, but who in this world is selfless? no one.
or maybe...few.
...
All these nights i've been focusing on what i wanted to have, always, what does friendship means in my life. a friend is just mere a friend? or its more then just being friends? i have to sort out this stuff before my life could play any further games! no tricks this time, no mind games! i am focused. i am focused. With this note i started getting ready. Today was my first day at medical school. everywhere everything seems to be brighten by just looking at and smile. i was dressed up in bright blue colored dress with that white uniform, a doctors pride! my coat. my passion, my skill, my everything.I entered and saw people walking everywhere, laughing, teasing everybody. i was happy, my first day went very well. i made friends, i was social. i liked many, and many liked me! this was the start of another competitive journey of my life. where i didnt know what further hardships, further regrets and disapproval are coming on their way..
...
I was tired, this whole year passed like blink of an eye, i was happy. didn't have to go back in times where people call you a kid and doesn't listen cause they think you're still immature. i was mature, or atleast getting mature. i was in the race of becoming a doctor! my life was revolving around books, studies, friends and family. till that time i didn't know there's always silence before heavy storm!
...
Today was a dark and stormy night, my life was complete or that's what i think it was. i was sitting on the edge of my stairs and was thinking about the worlds purest feeling- love? where is love in my life? i got the answer, there is love in the form of care when i am with my family. There is love in the form of friends when i am sad to cheer me up with silly jokes or giving huge lectures. There was love in the form of anger when i steel extra money from my elders pocket. There was love in the form of food, when i am hungry like a crazy wolf. There is love when my youngsters keep running after me for my attention and love talking to me, playing with me, acting crazy with me and applying tactics to trick elders. then what kind of love was missing? 21 years of my life and i was finding love. the kind of love which has passion in it. the kind of love which i crave for, the kind of love that craves for me. The kind of love which makes me my heart jump it's beats. That kind of love i was looking for...
or maybe...few.
...
All these nights i've been focusing on what i wanted to have, always, what does friendship means in my life. a friend is just mere a friend? or its more then just being friends? i have to sort out this stuff before my life could play any further games! no tricks this time, no mind games! i am focused. i am focused. With this note i started getting ready. Today was my first day at medical school. everywhere everything seems to be brighten by just looking at and smile. i was dressed up in bright blue colored dress with that white uniform, a doctors pride! my coat. my passion, my skill, my everything.I entered and saw people walking everywhere, laughing, teasing everybody. i was happy, my first day went very well. i made friends, i was social. i liked many, and many liked me! this was the start of another competitive journey of my life. where i didnt know what further hardships, further regrets and disapproval are coming on their way..
...
I was tired, this whole year passed like blink of an eye, i was happy. didn't have to go back in times where people call you a kid and doesn't listen cause they think you're still immature. i was mature, or atleast getting mature. i was in the race of becoming a doctor! my life was revolving around books, studies, friends and family. till that time i didn't know there's always silence before heavy storm!
...
Today was a dark and stormy night, my life was complete or that's what i think it was. i was sitting on the edge of my stairs and was thinking about the worlds purest feeling- love? where is love in my life? i got the answer, there is love in the form of care when i am with my family. There is love in the form of friends when i am sad to cheer me up with silly jokes or giving huge lectures. There was love in the form of anger when i steel extra money from my elders pocket. There was love in the form of food, when i am hungry like a crazy wolf. There is love when my youngsters keep running after me for my attention and love talking to me, playing with me, acting crazy with me and applying tactics to trick elders. then what kind of love was missing? 21 years of my life and i was finding love. the kind of love which has passion in it. the kind of love which i crave for, the kind of love that craves for me. The kind of love which makes me my heart jump it's beats. That kind of love i was looking for...
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)